


Enter Oberyn

by TaggertyRathbone



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-06
Updated: 2017-02-06
Packaged: 2018-09-22 12:32:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9607757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaggertyRathbone/pseuds/TaggertyRathbone
Summary: A bit of fun that come out of me and my friend trying to out do each other in our celebration of Oberyns talent for ensuing sexual relations with anyone anywhere. And of course, some Jon Snow/Samwell unrequited fluffy angst.





	

SCENE: CASTLE BLACK INTERIOR  
Jon: So Sam, I know it goes against everything the brothers have worked for but.... the Wildlings are people too and I can't leave them to die at the hands of the walkers.  
Sam: Ok Jon.... I love you....  
Jon: What?  
Sam: Nothing! Just.... come back safe, won't you? 

(Jon gives a faint half-smile. The door bursts open. Enter Oberyn) 

Oberyn: Heyhey! Don't worry my little repressed northerners, Oberyn is here!! 

(Orgy Ensues)

SCENE: MEEREEN PYRAMID  
Daario: I don't know Jorah the Andal... she's just so complex.... one minute she's all over me, the next, she's saying she'll marry that afro dude....  
Jorah: I.... I don't..... 

(The door bursts open. Enter Oberyn)  
Oberyn: Heyhey!! Use that anger, and let's get frisky! 

(Orgy Ensues)

 

SCENE: THE DREADFORT Ramsay (whilst turning meat on a spit): Right you two, who wants some of my grandmothers entrails?

(Sansa and Theon cry in despair.)  
(The door bursts open. Enter Oberyn)

Oberyn: Don't worry guys, my cock is here to solve all your problems!

(Orgy Ensues)

 

SCENE: HOUSE OF BLACK AND WHITE  
(Enter Oberyn)  
Oberyn: Hey! Enough with the dead stuff already! The sun is shining! It's Martell time!!  
Jaqen: A man is pleased with this.

(Orgy Ensues)

 

SCENE: RED KEEP. CERSEI'S BEDCHAMBER.  
Cersei: What do you mean there's no handsome young Lannister cousins left to service me? I can't wait for my brother forever, I need some cock! 

Lady in Waiting: Forgive me your grace, I'll see if I can rustle up a stable boy...  
Cersei: (slapping her across the face) Stable boy? Don't you know who I am!

(The door bursts open. Enter Oberyn)

Oberyn: Variety is the spice of life sweet lady, allow me.

(Orgy Ensues)

 

SCENE: THRONE ROOM  
Littlefinger: So what exactly do you like considering you've got nothing down there? Boys, girls? I've always wondered? Varys: Do you spend a lot of time wondering where I like to stick my non existent cock?

(Enter Oberyn)

Oberyn: I think we all know where I like to stick mine. Boom!

(WEIRDEST ORGY IN THE HISTORY OF FANTASY FICTION ENSUES)

 

SCENE: CASTLE BLACK. (After Hardhome)  
(Jon downs another pint of Northern Stud)  
Jon: We're done for Sam, there's nowhere to run, we might as well give up! Drink your beer while you still can.

(Sam downs his pint of Snowy Jon an coughs, then puts his hand tentatively on Jons knee)

Sam: You did your best, don't lose heart. You're the bravest man I know...Why don't we crack open the Handsome Boy brew, it should be ripe for the plucking by now?

(Enter Oberyn) 

Sam: Not yet, he's still in brooding mode.  
Oberyn: A thousand apologises cute fat man.

(Exit Oberyn)

Jon: We'll need more than beer to warm our bones once the white walkers get here.  
Sam: I won't let them have you...your mine.  
Jon: That's what Ygritte said, and the tricksy minx still shot me!  
Sam: I think we've still got some Tricksy Minx in the back, shall I get it?  
Jon: (grabbing his arm then letting go abruptly) No, don't leave me, I need you.  
Sam: (putting his hands in Jons mighty locks) I need you too, pretty warrior.  
Jon:We drank all that last week on Olly's name day.  
Sam: No, you dunderhead, I mean you, you're my pretty warrior.You always will be.

(They kiss slowly. Enter Oberyn) 

Oberyn: I'm starting to feel superfluous. 

(They break their kiss)

Jon: Not at all mate, get your cock out and I'll crack open some Dornish Cheek-Spreader.  
Oberyn: Now that's more like it. 

(Orgy Ensues)

 

SCENE:CASTLE BLACK. ON TOP OF THE WALL.  
Sam: I'm chuffing freezing tonight. Arent you cold?  
Jon: It's the Wall Sam, it's always cold.  
Sam: You're moodier than usual. (places a hand on his knee tentatively) Whats the matter?  
Jon: (looking away in a sexy pained way) Nothing. 

(Awkward Pause)

Sam: Fancy a game of Night Time Fumbles? 

(Awkward Pause)

Jon: You know what will happen if we start that business again.  
Sam: What's so wrong with a bit of a fumble?  
Jon: You can pretend it's a harmless game, but it's bad what we're doing.  
Sam: Where does it say in the rules that we can't have a Night Time Fumble?  
Jon: That's not the point Sam!  
Sam: What is the point then? It's not a game to me.... I'll keep you warm. 

(Awkward Angst Ridden Pause)

Jon: It's not a game to me neither....but we have to stop.  
Sam: Why Jon? Why should we? 

(They almost kiss then Jon pulls away and storms over to stand near the edge of the wall so his hair blows in the wind in a way that makes your ovaries ache.)

Jon: Because it will only make things worse.

(Enter Oberyn)

Oberyn: Alright you frigid cock cravers, we're going to get naked and I am going to mount you and ride you like a wild stallion and it will feel so good, you will beg me not to stop, but you will also want it to stop because you know you will never again feel pleasure like it. I want you first, my brooding brown haired beauty. Then I'll have the fat one for dessert. Winter is Coming all over your face!

(Orgy Ensues)


End file.
